He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry about my life...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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