who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
