They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
