i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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