I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
