Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
