So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
