I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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