It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
