If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
