This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
