Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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