just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
