SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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