Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
