masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
