Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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