Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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