It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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