i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
