K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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