Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
