well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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