so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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