p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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