I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
