so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
