is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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