the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
