...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
