Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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