I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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