the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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