he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
