Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
