I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
