yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
