Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
