and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
