I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
