I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
