she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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