Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
