I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
