My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
