i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
