My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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