shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
