Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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