Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
