id be glad to
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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