so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
