Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
