people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I want to fling myself into the sun
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
