I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
