I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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