In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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