How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We need to get me chipped asap
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
