My nipple is on Facebook.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
