it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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