Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
