you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
