I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
