I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
