Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
