i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize