My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
