Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
