why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
