he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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